The way I grew up, relationships were temporary. After third grade I didn’t stay at a single school longer than 2 years. And I can only think of one school that I stayed at that long. It taught me that people were disposable like me. Relationships were temporary.
But I was wrong. Marriage has taught me a lot. Relationships can last a lifetime. But they require nurturing. Some friendships are like a cactus. They don’t need much attention. They survive from short rain falls. Others need lots of pruning and watering. But in order to survive, they all need some sort of attention.
When I first moved to boston, the reality of permanence didn’t hit me initially. My whole life was comprised of phases. This as just another phase. I’ll move to boston, have fun, chill with my boys…..Yeah, until I realized that I miss my boys a lot and it’s not that simple to just drive over to see them. Damn. This is permanent, my moms not gonna get back on drugs. Um not gonna go back to live with my grandmother. This is permanent. I’m gone. I’m not going back.
It hurt. I felt like, man, I should have done more. But I’m glad that they understand me enough to still be my friends even if I can be a bit emotionally careless.
But as time goes on, I’m learning. I’m growing. I want to be better. A better father, husband, friend, cousin, nephew, uncle, acquaintance. I want to be valuable. Not for my self esteem. I have too much of that. Just because you guys deserve it. I’m not easy. If you show me love, then you deserve to be loved back. I’m working on it.